ER

I’ve worked in healthcare for almost 20 years, in mostly an emergency room setting.  I’ve seen more than my share of people die.

It’s a rough business and people always ask, how do you handle it and I always say. I leave it at the back door.  On the drive home I crank up the music, sing or car dance to let it go.

We do everything we can to save human life.  Does the energy change in the room when the person passes. You bet it does.  It becomes such a heavy atmosphere of sadness, grief and not understanding.  We don’t know how to do everything and sometimes the body just stops.

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It’s hard to explain.  It’s not an atmosphere for everyone and like hunting spirits It can be depressing if you let it.  I’m not saying it doesn’t effect us because it does, on many levels but we have to distance ourselves from the feelings and you make friends who understand and are always there to lean on.

I’ve been told by any number of boyfriends and friends that I am cold and distant sometimes.  Well, sorry I’ll agree with that, I can be.  When you are on top of a gurney doing chest compressions for 10-15-30 minutes and nothing helps and the person passes away you learn to except we all have our time.  Our number is in a book somewhere and what you do in this life is what matters.

You have to make this life count to you, what others think about you or how you live is their opinion and everyone has one.  I learned to live and be happy with myself and my gift.  It is SO SO very hard to work in an environment where there is the chance to deal directly with the dead fresh everyday and there have been times when a newly dead spirit has tried to jump me at work out of pure confusion.

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There was once where I was working the psych unit, I was leaving working after a 12 hour shift, standing and waiting at the elevator, alone when all of a sudden this black mass came at me, enveloping me. I yelled at it to get off me while it laughed.  I jumped into the elevator and I swear to this day, it stood right at the door, like it couldn’t go any farther laughing at me.

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The next day one of the nurses asked me what happened, I told her and she laughed and told me I’d met so and so.  He had been a patient and hated everyone and would do that if he could get close enough to someone.  So I learned to carry my bag of chrystals to work everyday.  Why are they here, why can some see/feel them and others can’t.  Are we born to be sensitive to the afterlife?

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